What a Week

I am not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest weeks I can recall. It has really taken a toll on my mental health I think, but it is Friday and we will all survive. Earlier this week, I had a breakdown and began having some very real fears of postpartum depression triggered no doubt by my return to the workforce, but I think that just being aware of that potential and talking it through with Daddy and others close to me has and will help me to move forward in a healthy way.

One thing that does seem to be helping me mentally is pumping. I am sure that seems very odd and it isn't that I like feeling like a dairy cow, but it gives me time throughout the day to think about you and feel like I am still doing something for you despite being absent from your life each day.

Luckily I seem to be pumping more than you are eating so we are slowly building up a good little stash so that Mommy and Daddy can occasionally have date nights. I am shocked at how easy this is going so far and just pray that we can go a whole year. So far you have still not had one drop of formula!!

You seem to be doing okay at day care. She says you sleep mostly and wake up right before you are ready to eat. I don't mind all that sleeping because you have been awake and full of smiles for me all evening each day. Your smiles are so adorable!

You are seven weeks and growing like a weed! We don't go to the doctor until the 18th, but I know you are eating plenty.

You are finally taking a pacifier. We have an entire assortment of ones that you will not take, but that doesn't matter because you now take one of them!!

You are starting to sleep on your own just fine, although I am guilty of not always putting you back in your bassinet after you sleep because I am soo tired!

This Sunday we are doing your baby dedication! I am super excited about that. Standing in front of the whole church and dedicating you to the Lord and vowing to be your primary faith trainers. And knowing that we have such an awesome church that is going to do so much to help us in that journey. I will post pictures and details from that in a few days.

In a couple weeks you are going to go on your first road trip! I can't wait to see how that goes, and for you to meet your great grandmothers. And some of Mommy's crazy aunts, uncles and cousins ;)

That is about it for now, until I think of more, XOXO!

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

6 Weeks and back at work

The update is five days past due, but better late than never.

I am writing this via email/blackberry because I am pumping. Yep, today is my first day back at work and I feel like a cow on a farm. I come in every 3 hours. It is kind of odd, but in the end it is the best thing for you and it is the one thing that I feel like I can give you since I am not able to stay with you.

I probably shouldn't even get started on that subject because I (stupidly) am not wearing waterproof mascara. Let's just say that I miss you terribly and want so badly to rush home and get you and spend the next 24 hours loving on you and trying to make it up to you that I abandoned you and left you with some random person that isn't related to you for an entire day. How am I going to do this every day and be able to live with myself?

Oh yeah, back to your update! I will have to post pictures later, although I will try attaching a couple that are on my phone.

I finally created and sent out your birth announcements!! Now that everyone probably knows you are here.

Your sleeping pattern hasn't really changed yet, but your eating habits seem to be evening out more and more all the time.

You are growing like crazy!! The newborn outfits have to be stretched to fit you, so they are basically out of the question. Newborn diapers have been a thing of the past for a couple weeks now. Socks that at one time were loose on your precious, tiny little feet... Now leave little marks to show that you are outgrowing them. What hit me the hardest though, was when I put on 0-3 outfits and they fit perfect. Shouldn't they be kind of big still because they are supposed to be for up to 3 months?! You really need to slow the growing down.

I am able to get you to smile all the time now! You have no idea how much that makes my day!

Oh, and this coming Sunday (Mother's Day) we are doing Parent/Baby dedication at church. More on this later in another post.

Time to wrap up. I love you and miss you soo much right now!!

- Mommy

Three Weeks

I can't believe I am only posting on a weekly basis. It seems so difficult to find the time (and peace and quiet) to complete an entire post.

Have I mentioned in any past posts how much you are eating? I am sure I have, but I will do so again. Mostly because that is all that is on my mind. When is he going to want to eat again. Do I have long enough to ____ (fill in blank with any random task here).

The list of tasks that are unfinished is ridiculous. I am barely getting out to do anything because I feel like the house needs to be in perfect condition before I can justify doing anything else. And I am starting to get this unsettling feeling that the house is never going to be perfect and that I am wasting away my maternity leave trying. I just need to get a maid already. Think we can find any volunteers?

You are awake so much these days. And when I say awake, I mean your gorgeous eyes are wide open! I love actually seeing you when you are eating. And you hold my hand. It is the most amazing feeling. Oh, but the best is when you smile!!! I am sure it isn't intentional yet, but you have the happiest, sweetest little smile and I just cannot wait to catch it on camera.

This past Sunday you went to the nursery during Sunday School so that I could help Daddy with the lesson. Luckily we made it through the story before I was paged to come and feed you! And you ate so much that I thought SURELY you would be content through service. Yeah right!! I was again rushing to the mother's room to feed you and watching service on the TV! It seemed like everyone in the nursery wanted to hold you and others that are in different rooms were sad to find out that you weren't in their room so they could hold you.

You really are so precious to hold. I find myself hugging and kissing on you non-stop. I just want to cuddle you and keep you like you are now a little longer. I know it will all be over before I am ready and it saddens me when I remember that...

Last night I almost broke down and gave you formula. I don't know if I was just extra sleepy or if you had really just eaten so much that I wanted a break, but it was about 3 in the morning and I didn't think I could take anymore. And I know that formula is more filling and would help you sleep more than one or two hours. And we have it on hand from the hospital and the free samples they mail. But you finally feel asleep right about the time I was crying to Daddy that I didn't know what to do, and when you woke up at 5ish, I was fine again.

Some nights are great, and some nights you seem to want to eat more frequently than I am prepared for. I don't know if I have mentioned this in a while, but I really (I MEAN REALLY) like to sleep. But for the most part, we are getting through just fine! I just hope your eating regulates by the time I go back to work. Otherwise that will be very difficult.

You stayed with a "sitter" for the first time this past weekend. If you can call Noni a sitter! It was Mommy and Daddy's five year anniversary. I think that I probably drove Daddy crazy because after about an hour away, all I wanted to talk about was my babies! Of course, it didn't help that anytime I think or talk about you, my chest starts to get a little sore because it figures you are probably ready to eat.

I wish I had an update on your height weight, but our next appointment isn't until May 18! Maybe I will try to weigh you with me on my scale... just for our records.

Here are a couple more pictures!!

This one was actually two weeks, look at that blond hair!

Your first outdoor outing, the Outdoor Learning Center

Hanging out at an Easter playdate... this was about all you did (besides eat)

Three weeks old

An Eventful Weekend

This was a very eventful weekend for you. First off though... your umbilical cord fell off yesterday! I thought it was on pretty tough and then Saturday night when cleaning it I realized it was actually only on by a tiny little strand. It had started bleeding a tiny bit and spotting your clothes. Then when I took your onesie off yesterday morning, it was gone. Well, it was in your onesie, but not part of you anymore.

Besides that, Saturday we went to a crawfish boil for you to meet a bunch of your future friends. There were about four pregnant women there, all due between now and June. And of course Austin and that generation of babies that are all friends. It was a good time.

And yesterday you attended church for the first time. Of course, you got hungry as soon as service started... I will have to work on timing. I brought a bottle with 3 oz of milk thinking that should be plenty, but no. I dashed out of the sanctuary before you started screaming and down the stairs where a nice woman saw me looking around frantic and took me to the "mother's room". I was so excited to find out there is a room for nursing mothers that has a TV so I could continue to watch the sermon! Hopefully next weekend will be a little easier.

Speaking of easier, I realized just how much life has now changed. Getting ready for church (or even to just run a quick errand) now takes FOREVER! Getting Austin around and myself and you. Having to put everything on pause throughout the process for you to eat. And then eat again.

Did I mention how much you have been eating the past 48 hours? I don't think I got nearly enough sleep last night because it felt like you were eating all night. Probably a slight exaggeration, but I can't be sure! It has been about the same story so far this morning. So much so that I wasn't even able to get around in decent time to take Austin to daycare. So he is spending a nice day at home with us. Luckily, he is starting to finally adjust and go back to being himself. Potty training and all!!

Got to go, time to eat... again!!

One Week Old

We had your first non-hospital doctors visit yesterday and it went great! You didn't have to get any shots this time around, so it was just a weigh and measure and look you over kind of appointment. You are almost back to your birth weight, which shows them that you are eating great. They usually allow about 10 days for that. And you either grew one inch in one week or they didn't measure you right at the hospital, because you are already 20 inches. We go back next Tuesday for your two week appointment. The day before your actual due date.

After your appointment, Daddy and I decided I have been couped up long enough and since I feel great, we decided to go and walk the mall. Technically I shouldn't be doing that much walking yet, but I can't sit at home forever and I need to get back in shape at some point. So your first real outing was walking Katy Mills Mall. You did so good. When you got tired of being in the stroller, I put you in the sling and you stayed peacefully in there the rest of the trip.

I am also very proud of myself, because I managed to breastfeed you like that. There I was walking around the mall with you in the sling, eating. It was completely discreet and very unlike me. I had to be in a room all alone to feed Austin!

Breastfeeding is going great. You eat like a champ and I have been producing like crazy. In fact, I have already built up a nice reserve. Of course, that has meant lots of painfully full days and lots of pumping to relieve it. And there is one side that hurts like no other for the first few minutes when you latch on with your fierce grip. But I am getting through it. Plus, anytime I feel guilty for getting the epidural, I tell myself that this pain has gone on much longer than that pain would have... so I don't feel so bad!

Today you are one week old. The biggest milestone so far is that you have finally decided to start spending more time with your beautiful eyes open. There is nothing more wonderful than just cuddling with you and staring at your eyes. Daddy and I try to cherish every minute of it.

Speaking of Daddy. He had to go back to work today. I am very sad about that because it has been so nice spending time together. We didn't really have that with Austin because he had just started that job. Although it is nice to catch up on things around the house, which is easy to do since you still love sleeping!

I cannot believe that it has already been one week. It has flown by and has me so worried that the next five are going to do the same. It is going to be so hard to part with you when I have to return to work.

Your Birth Story

Well, as much as I prayed, stressed and cried (I know, counter-productive)... We packed up the car, made plans for Austin and headed to the hospital at 5:30 this morning. Surprisingly, I slept better than expected. Though daddy was not quite as lucky.

We got into the hospital, signed the necessary paperwork and got all set up. (Noni has some cute "before" pics) I was right about the contractions, every five minutes. However, they were not helping things along. They started me on a low dosage of pitocin and broke my water at 7:30. For the next couple hours, I had more frequent contractions, but they must not have been doing very much and they weren't painful. I was thinking that I just had an incredible labor tolerance... ha, was I wrong!

Sometime after 11, they increased the dosage of pitocin and almost immediately, the pain ensued. Horrible, intense, intolerable pain!! The only thing that helped me through it was holding Daddy's hand. It didn't take but a couple of those and I was crying (literally) for the epidural. There went the birth plan!! As soon as those contractions started though, things happened so quickly. Just like with Austin. I had the epidural and then they checked and I was at about 8 cm. The nurse started rushing around getting the room ready and calling for them to get the Dr. there ASAP. She also made me wear an oxygen mask from then on because she was concerned about your heart rate.

Thank goodness the anesthesiologist was right down the hall and able to respond immediately. Here is a picture after the epidural... once I stopped sweating and squirming uncontrollably! Feeling good!

This time around, the epidural wasn't so strong that I couldn't tell what was going on. I had to wait for the I had to wait for the doc again this time once I hit 10 cm. When the doctor got there and was ready for me to push, I was actually able to. It made things much easier and with a little cut and a few pushes, you were born in a matter of minutes. They handed you right to me, without even wiping you down. That was pretty interesting, but you were beautiful and immediately brought tears to my eyes.

You were born at 12:52 p.m. Weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces and measuring in at 19 inches. Daddy and I are so happy!! You are absolutely perfect and healthy.

Big brother was so excited to finally meet you! He already loves you so much.

You aren't having any problems with breastfeeding... except for when you decide sleeping is more important than eating! Speaking of, that is about all you do so far! Sleep, sleep, sleep. It is a rare treat for us to see your eyes. Eyes that (at this point) have a blue color to them. I am very curious to see if you lucked out and were able to not inherit Mommies brown eyes?!

Less Than 1 Week

...until my ultrasound! I am very excited and cannot wait (if it isn't obvious). The only thing that would be better is if you decided to come before then! But after Thursday (pictures).

Shopping on Friday was a total bust, which had me down. I couldn't find the pump kit that I was aiming to buy at any stores and I couldn't find reasonably priced (translation = CHEAP) nursing bras and tanks anywhere. I am sure I looked funny walking around the mall because it felt like you were trying to push your way out! So after spending the morning and afternoon walking the mall, Babies-R-Us and Walmart (unrelated shopping), I headed home in defeat. I even passed on going to Target because I was so distraught.

I got online and found everything I was looking for (at prices I was willing to pay) and placed my orders. I then crossed my fingers that everything would arrive before you!! So far, so good! Somehow the pump kit arrived yesterday (fastest shipping ever, that seller gets a gold star from me) and the bras/tanks will be here on Thursday!

I am especially excited because the pump kit that I bought works with the hospital grade pump here at work for when I return from maternity leave, but it also works as a manual pump for when I am at the hospital or out somewhere (mostly in the beginning when engorged and uncomfortable) AND all the parts work with the double pump that I purchased with Austin. So if I need a pump while still at home or in the evenings, I am covered. (The dogs previously ate everything except the motor for that one).

Saturday morning I finally went out and bought the letters for your wall. I had pretty much decided there was no rush for that since you won't be in the nursery in the beginning, but I did it! AND, I even painted them and put them on the wall!! To top it all off, I finally went and bought the paint I needed to finish Austin's room... that is about where my energy fizzled out though! I realized that I needed to finish taping and I would have to get up on a tall chair or ladder and that didn't seem like a good idea, so his room is still in waiting mode!

I feel completely ready and anxious now. Of course, I have stopped having the bad back pain and any contraction-like symptoms. Figures that once I have it in my head that I am ready, all indication I am running out of time halts! Oh well, we are ready whenever you are little one!

I can't really think of any other updates, so that is all until our weekly update tomorrow!

Oh, I lied! I just remembered one other thing that is new and has me thrown off. I have been doing awesome (for me) as far as weight gain this entire pregnancy. And these last few weeks I have been gaining the suggested pound a week. But in the past couple days I have put on four pounds. I am not sure what is going on or if I should be concerned by that, but it definitely has me puzzled.

Okay, now I am done!

Good News!

My month was made this morning when I finally decided to contact HR and see if they had any suggestions on where I could go to breastfeed when I inevitably come back to work. I have been trying to figure this out on my own and was feeling very down and flustered. I am in a cube, that won't work. We don't have any extra private offices, so that is out. I would feel gross and exposed in the bathroom. I couldn't think of anything else.

Turns out, at one time, my company cared about that kind of thing and up until 2007 they offered a room one floor above me for just that. Complete with two hospital grade pumps and the personal kits that one would need to go with it. The bad news is that the company stopped caring (surprise, surprise). The good news is that two employees bought the pumps in a silent auction and decided to keep them in that room to keep it going. The company no longer has anything to do with it really, but everything is there: the two pumps, a mini-fridge for milk, phones to call the daycare, baby pictures, baby magazines. The only difference is that I have to purchase my own kit. No big deal considering how much I was going to have to spend for a good pump!